Moments of Nothingness

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

At pitch darkness where there is a deafening silence, you will sometimes see yourself either facing a huge empty wall or a horizon that seems to be both endless and unreachable.

I do have my Moments of Nothingness in my life, a moment when I feel most vulnerable. It’s a time when I feel like a damsel in distress longing for her knight in shining armor, a princess waiting for a prince charming to come or simply a child wanting a hug and a present! A situation or hormonal changes may trigger my emotional shutdown. Let’s just say, sometimes I still feel and act like a lost kid, don’t know what to do, where to go, don’t know anything, a mental blackout it is. Doubtful of oneself and everything else just seem to reverse. Needless to say, it’s a shame.

Mind you, of course, I do have my personal first-aid for this. I usually stress-eat myself with my favorite comfort foods then crawl up to bed and hibernate or drown myself to movies. Sometimes mall-walks help with some no-sense spending and swiping. A world-time-out and a spiritual-check are also beneficial. Support group (i.e. family & friends) may at times be valuable too. Soon then, I’ll be okay. I just got to be ready for the next attack! Then time to draw my own inference slash conclusion.

Fortunate are those who already know what they want in their lives. I call them “gifted”. Lucky are those who get to do whatever it is that makes them happy. I call them “more blessed perhaps”. Reality is quite harsh, only FEW are fortunate & lucky. I know, some would probably say that we make our own luck. Maybe they are right. But, maybe not. Who knows?! Should I say, a person can only do so much, or a person can do that much? “W”

My MOMENT OF NOTHINGNESS however, gives me a SPACE to rearrange my life, a VALOR to face life’s hardships, a CHANCE to be humble in admitting emptiness and being in need, a TIME to prioritize and remind myself of what is important and an OPPORTUNITY to allow God’s perfect hands to create something out of my nothingness.

You see, my MOMENT OF NOTHINGNESS may have come out of something “negative” and the process of dealing with it may be LONG, TOUGH and TEDIOUS but still, the end product is something way over the “positive”, “brighter” side.

"You cannot put everything beautiful in a closet unless you empty it first and bear nothing."