♥ On abandoning dreams ♥

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Five months ago, I was equally nervous and excited about a new journey I chose for myself: MIGRATION.

Full of courage as if thoughtlessly, I braved the land down the down under with some dough in my pocket and half depleted hope. Why half? 'coz as my departure date came closer, so were the the doubts I tried to shrug off my mind.

The plane landed, new life. It aint heaven, it aint hell. It was both fun and HARD sharing a house with 10 more seemingly strangers. It was generally lonely. The only time I feel happy is when I go out and see their tourist destinations. New plans were formulated. New friends met. New happiness but same sadness. I am homesick. I could not deny it. I could not fake it anymore. I could not role-play as a tourist. The thought of settling here was unbearable. I could not count how many times I've cried or how much tears I've shed. I almost regret my decision 5 months ago, my first time to regret a choice if ever. I broke down twice. I felt hopeless, helpless and trapped. Trapped because it aint easy to tell others I wanna go home and that I'm giving up. I'm too stubborn, too proud to admit my own distress. Then one day, I woke up more enlightened. I decided that I will go back but not now. I need few more months to revive the old me. I do not want to loose any lesson that I should learn. i do not want to go home because I'm lonely. Also, I do not want to go home depressed, crying and full of regrets. That aint simply me.

So I settled my self. Reflect a bit. Unwind. Enjoy my new life. A couple of months and I'm back on my feet. Recharged and ready to face both challenges and consequences. After being (or should I say finding) myself again, I decided to book a ticket to PhiL. To my surprise, a part of me was sad, as if missing what I have right now. But the bigger part of me is very happy and looking forward.

In every failure, in every set back, in every detour lies an opportunity to grow, to learn, to believe. It's not easy to abandon one's dream and rearrange one's plans but with faith, hope and love, nothing else is unbearable.

I do quit the path I chose and used to believe in. I gave up some dreams even. But with all that it has made of me and it has made into my life, nothing is to be regretful about. Just moments to cherish, lessons to learn, and love to keep and nourish.

P.S. On abandoning my dreams, maybe I'll come up with greater ones when I wake up tomorrow.

spending the afternoon w/ 'Shukri', a carrot cake
and new discovery - mochaccino


Miss Sachi